If you sense that they aren’t really comfortable answering, do not push for an answer.
Talking to your friend before you make a move on his/her ex is the high road to take, always – unless … However, do not ask for permission if you won’t take no for an answer If you feel so strongly about your friend’s ex that your decision to have a ‘talk’ or ask for permission is more of a marketing speech or a persuasive attempt to convince them of your feelings, you might be better off without seeking approval.
Whether or not you decide to go ahead with the ex, your feelings shall change your friendship, regardless.
Ever been on the receiving end of that unequivocal tenet of advice picked from a rather exhaustive section of the relationship Bible, called the ‘Ex code? Life is more grey and it is through the differential mixing of the black and white colors at the dual ends of the spectrum that varying hues of differing contrasts and intensity are produced to give life its essential experiential flavor.
In my last article that dealt with a different facet of the ‘Ex-code’ and answered a question that has baffled many for eons (whether it is really possible to be friends with an ex), I had clearly dismissed black and white dictates as an impossibly unrealistic guide to stick to.
Did the writer ever fall in love with a bestie’s ex? What if his real possibility of love existed with the person his best friend had just dumped?
Would he then be as uptight about the rules he laid out in black ink? Now that we have kicked the first hurdle in approaching a valid question about dating a friend’s ex to the curb, we can journey ahead, even if it means braving the outrageous storm.
There are some ‘rules’ that apply when you are dating a friend’s ex and these need to be followed religiously, coz unlike what you’d like to believe – there’s no grey here.
So, follow these rules for dating a friend’s ex: 1.
It is only through walking down on the grey stretch of freshly laid tarmac or sailing out on misty greys of the ocean or getting drenched in the rains brought about by ominous swathes of grey in the sky that one learns to differentiate one shade from another and taste life’s throbbing vitality.
In a sense, this experiential living full of lessons isn’t unlike tasting the universe so that one can exactly decipher the mystifying recipe that has gone into its making.
Similarly, your guy friend does not need to know that you cannot make it for a guys’ night out because you have to go pick up his drunk ex from the club.
Please refrain from passing on information that may be over – read, uncomfortable or simply offensive and hurtful.
Give the situation some time, show respect for their feelings, detonate any possibility of backlash or angry outbursts or sounding plain scandalous, and help your friend recover and heal.