Another most unfortunate result of this kind of conditioning is that it sends a message to other perpetrators that this child is not believable, leaving that child vulnerable to other predators as well.
Please share your thoughts about how a child becomes known as the black sheep and how this in fact serves the ultimate purpose of the abuser or any other thoughts you wish to share here.
I was defined as the black sheep of my family early on.
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The ways that children are disregarded are so typical in fact that it’s hard to believe there isn’t a script being followed by these manipulative and abusive family members.
And the mystery behind why we are so surprised to find so many others who feel the way we have felt is explained by the way we are so successfully groomed to accept and keep the family secrets, “respect” our parents and all their decisions and behaviours as “right” and not question or discover that there could be an explanation for our depressions, low self esteem and other mental health issues.
I had been taught to question myself and the rest of the world has been warned that I don’t properly present “the truth” so that if I ever TELL the whole story, it will be easily dismissed by those hearing it.
I have been labeled all my life as a story teller and an exaggerator so that is how people have come to regard me.This definition of me will protect the perpetrators of abuse from having the spotlight of truth shone on them.When I looked at it through this grid of understanding, it’s easy to conclude that not only is there a twofold result when this happens but there there is also a twofold motive in conditioning and defining a child in this way. Seeing the whole thing through that grid of both WHY and HOW children are used as scapegoats, labeled as “the problem” and defined as depressed, story tellers, in need of medication, difficult and “always that way” made it easier for me to understand how I willingly stopped fighting their warped definition of me and accepted it for all those years.We live in a society where “majority rules”; it is commonly accepted that if the majority agree that the abuse and dysfunction never happened but was in fact “all in the victims’ warped mind” through that grid of understanding, the majority in a dysfunctional family system is conveniently right.There is a twofold result when this happens; I questioned my own memories and therefore I questioned the truth itself.Not “fitting in” with the family usually means not being accepted by the family for going against the family rules, questioning certain practices or simply for being an individual.